SEX(1) USER COMMANDS SEX(1) NAME sex - have sex SYNOPSIS sex [ options ] usercode [ usercode ... ] DEFAULTS If no usernames are specified, names are taken from the LOVERS environment variable. OPTIONS Options to make things more interesting are as follows: -1 wiggle -a external stimulus (aphrodisiac) option -b buggery -B bestiality with -c chocolate sauce option -C chaining option (cuffs included) (see also -m -s -W) -d get a date with the features described in -e exhibitionism (image sent to all machines on the net) -f foreplay option -F nasal sex with plants -i coitus interruptus (messy!) -j jacuzzi option (California sites only) -l leather option -L Lick option -m masochism (see -s) -M triple parallel (Menage a Trois) option -n necrophilia (if target process is not dead, program kills it) -N Nipple option -o oral option -O parallel access (flower-picking party) -p debug option (proposition only) -P pedophilia (must specify a child process) -q quickie (wham, bam, thank you, ma'am) -s sadism (target must set -m) -S sundae option -v voyeurism (surveys the entire net) -v1 vaseline option -V Vibrator option -w whipped cream option -W whips (see also -s, -C, and -m) -x extra (loop routine - cumming back for more) -y yogurt option ERRORS 'Missing External' = "Where did I put the vibrator" 'Mismatch error' = One component is non-standard 'Next without For' = Next process has been started without foreplay. 'Syntax Error' = Error in chat up line 'I/O Error' = Input-Output is too slow. 'Unknown Procedure' = The process is non-standard but fun. 'No Such Line' = Chat up line has gone down 'Out of Memory' = You had too much to drink last night. 'Illegal Input' = 3 fingers are quite enough 'Undefined Variable' = Decide how much you are going to pay. 'Identifier not Used' = Don't give her your name. 'Do without Loop' = At least do it twice 'Inserted ; ' = Only with users permission bit set. 'Insufficient data' = "Oh yeah, I've taken precautions" 'Your party is not responding' = Unsuccessful strip-poker request call 'Access Denied' = Chastity bit set. 'Unknown Host Name' = "Whose party is it?" 'Output Only' = don't try anal sex 'Can't Access Floppy' = "Where the hell is it!" 'Server Not Responding' = Either too much drink or impotent. 'Too many Arguments' = Don't try talking to partner. 'Peripheral in Use' = Remove chewing-gum before administering blowjob 'Bad Baud Rate' = Use your imagination or she'll get bored. 'Copy is Unreadable' = Porno-mags are not for reading 'Already Open' = Just undo the button and off they come. 'Process Timed Out' = Premature ejaculation has occurred 'Out of Range' = Her husband is in London 'Unmatched (' = Boobs are of different sizes. 'Permission Denied' = I told you not to try anal sex 'No repeat' = Not tonight darling, I'm too tired. 'Source is Protected' = Very sensible, always keep one with you. 'Invalid Entry' = Don't take advantage of disabled people. 'CPU down' = Had to happen sooner or later. 'Connection closed by foreign host' = Husband arrival 'Illegal Direct' = "hi babe, wanna fuck" is not implemented. 'Can't Read' = People want intellectuals these days 'Begin Without End' = Not likely to occur 'only 3 connections allowed' = Stop being greedy! 'bad track' = told u not to do it to Des O'Connor! 'write protected' = its ok, she's had the op. 'cannot open' = her knees are surgically joined 'file already open' = she's a slut 'no manual entry' = switch to auto pilot 'no such process' = forget it, its impossible '65 bytes free' = after this, bites cost 10p each. 'no command' = she knows what you want 'your party has logged out' = you were too long at the chemists 'RTFM error' = see karma sutra 'mistake' = yup, thats her asshole! 'no device specified' = which vibrator do you want? 'no such device' = if device no. > 15" 'Stopped' = Doorbell activated 'Stopped by operator' = Phone rings 'Interrupt' = son arrives at location 'dlog file exists' = you logged out before ejaculation 'missing end statement' = she had gone when you awoke. 'missing bit' = Jewish operator SEX PASCAL v.69 ERRORS 'Hex number too large' = The last time I saw one that big it was hanging under a donkey 'Variable too big for memory' = It's so big it's mind-blowing 'BEGIN expected' = She's got her clothes off and ready to go 'Too many procedures' = The foreplay's gone on long enough 'DO expected' = "Come on, do it to me!" 'Label not declared' = What brand of condoms have you got? 'END expected' = "Please stop, I've had enough!" 'Too many digits' = You can't put your whole hand up 'Premature end of file' = It went limp before the climax 'Too many devices' = Which vibrator shall I choose from? 'Variant device' = I'll choose this one - it's got thrusting action 'Tag type mismatch' = The condom's too big 'Real device expected' = I don't want a vibrator - I need the real thing 'Can't read this type' = I've lost my glasses and cannot read the small writing on this sex manual 'Too many dimensions = I'm having problems translating page 47 for translator' of the kama sutra into Serbo Croat 'Digit expected' = Get your magic fingers working on my erogenous zones 'ID table overflow' = I told you not to do it on the table where it would overflow onto the carpet 'Too many nested = There's so many Des O'Connor records on records' that shelf that it's put me off the job FATAL ERROR 'Premature termination = she had an epileptic fit while giving blowjob of parameter' DEMONSTRATION PROGRAM Program Sex (input,output,input,output,input,output,input,output); var condom,up,down : boolean; Procedure up_and_down; begin if up=true then down else up end; begin repeat read(condom); until (condom=true) repeat up_and_down; until climax end. If you are a bit kinky then the following procedure may be implemented :- Procedure foreplay; begin read(choice); case choice of 1 : Strawberry Yogurt; 2 : Baked Beans; 3 : Ice Cream; 4 : Vaseline; endcase end. ------------------------------------------------------------------------